The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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