Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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