I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
