on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
