barbara walters just said penis...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
