Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
