: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
