Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
