he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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