So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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