Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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