you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
