it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
