i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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