it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
