after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
