I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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