I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
