I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
