How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
