ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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