when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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