I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
