All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
