i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
