Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
