Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
