I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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