You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
