She's JV to your varsity
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
