Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
