There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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