I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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