There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
