I hate your face
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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