So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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