yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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