just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
