I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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