There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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