And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
