Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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