My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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