Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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