hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think im in europe. pls send help
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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