i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
