you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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