that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
