i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
