is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
