one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
handjob tips. give me some.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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