I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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