so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
