i may or may not be watching the land before time
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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