now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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