I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
