Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
