...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
