It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And then he peed in my hair
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