I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
