my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
