This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
4 words: hood of his car
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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