The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
vagina is talking i cant
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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