I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The feeling are messing with the penis
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
