i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
