fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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