i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
