In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
