theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
